Plot: Weird scientists make the perfect weapon. An independent owner-operator of the space trucking industry bucks the company over a load of square pigs (yes, you read this correctly) and agrees to take a mysterious cargo back to Earth. He scores a deal with the Space Truck Stop waitress that if he takes her back she’ll marry him. The new kid tags along because the old guy got him fired. Then there are Space Pirates. The Captain even has a peg leg.

The Good: See the above last sentence and reference the line, "He didn’t mean that! He respects the way you confront your disability!" Dennis Hopper has the exact same walk, even wearing a space suit. George Wendt as the company man. A pull start cybernetic sexual prosthesis that can’t get it up. Debi Mazar really tries extra hard to make this thing work.

The Bad: Everything I’ve just referenced above. I saw Dennis Hopper walk through a part one time like this in "The Texas Chainsaw Masacre 2" and it wasn’t pretty. It could have been fatty boom batty blunts.

Bottom Line: Camp value doesn’t quite rescue this one. If you wanted to see a good movie like this one, see "The Ice Pirates." Keep in mind that I only say "The Ice Pirates" is good compared to this movie.

Rating: A nice box of Franzia.